Total responsibility is the key to leading our lives exactly as we wish. It “allows us to claim ownership of the circumstances in our lives, and thereby, to contribute to making them better”. As implied by the language, “response ability ” is the capability to choose how we respond to everything that we experience. Empowerment in its purest form. This realization can feel both intensely liberating and totally burdensome. Yet responsibility is not blame. In the sense intended here, it refers to the understanding that we in fact have total control over how we conduct ourselves, despite the common belief that circumstances, emotions or people force us to act in certain ways. The responses and thoughts that we choose, attract our experiences, in turn creating our realities. We are the masters and creators of our own universes; directly responsible for all that happens to us. It is the most beautifully freeing truth we can ever come to acknowledge.
The majority of us who live in the western world today have everything we could ever possibly need or even want within an arm’s reach. Everything in our society is set up to maximize convenience and comfort, with the technological evolution of products constantly being focussed on the newest gadgets that make life easier for us, a reality that is worrying in many senses. Essentially, the advancements of society seem to be conditioning us to become less self reliant, more lazy and ultimately less responsible for our own lives. While were once capable of feeding, counseling or curing ourselves we now rely on professionals to decide everything for us. They guide us completely, and not always correctly. From the very minute we are in our mothers tummies she begins consulting someone on the appropriate way to give birth, to nurse her baby and raise her child. Once in the education system our choices are narrowed from day one. As kids we are asked at a dangerously young age what we want to become. Our abilities become tailored to our specific goal. We become a professional in one tiny sliver of reality, the rest becomes someone else’s responsibility. This is can then be combined with the common scientific belief that life ultimately has no meaning; a reductionist view which I believe may have led us to become more irresponsible. As Jordan Peterson put it; people choose to believe there is no meaning because its easier. If nothing matters, you don’t need to take responsibility for your self or whatever actions you choose. I think we need to be asking ourselves whether we truly want to minimize the amount of responsibility we take for who we have become and what we have created? Do we want to live meaningless lives with no control over our own destinies?
The lack of meaning assigned to events, thoughts and emotions relieves us of many moral and phycological responsibilities. If nothing has meaning then it doesn’t matter how you act, think or feel because ultimately none of it means anything. The system of belief that you hold yourself to guides your actions, and while we are all entitled to our own ideas, the minute they begin to impede on the well being of ourselves and others around us, we need to start taking a look within and questioning how we are choosing to live our lives. Clinical phycologist Jordan B Peterson made a very interesting link between the lack of meaning and the failure to take responsibility. He illustrated how many of us spend our lives feeling purposeless in a search for meaning, due to the lack of responsibility that we take. People don’t want to add meaning to their lives because then they have to be responsible and that takes effort. He goes on to states that if we begun to make an effort to take responsibility we would inevitably find meaning, for we would automatically need to justify why we were choosing to conduct ourselves properly. For example if we choose to do something for the good of others we automatically assume a belief in moral responsibility. Therefore, by holding ourselves accountable, we act for the benefit of not only ourselves but also the collective.
The manifestation of a social direction that does not promote or encourage self liability also creates a lack of appreciation for what we do have, instead focussing our minds on what we don’t have. Most of us have so little to worry about in our daily lives that we start to develop a mental tendency to create our own problems, issues that are in reality non existent. Through this mind state many of us come to believe we are victims of other people’s actions and of our own lives. In fact those of us who have been born into loving families, who have a home, nourishment and warmth in our hearts, are already so much more fortunate than we can ever come to give gratitude for. However, as we sink into this mind state of little gratitude we begin to feel like we are a total victim. We begin to believe that those around us or the universe itself owes us something. This is then, in turn, used as an excuse to lash out, to act obliviously and destructively. For when you are unaware of your self created issues, it’s always everybody else’s fault, but never yours. Because of what you think someone did to you, you believe that you deserve to get away with such actions, you use the justification of what has happened to you in the past to try to explain to yourself why you keep choosing to act in such self destructive ways. Your past justifies your present, which then becomes a repetition of the past, a cycle of self destruction that is never ending. It is a cracked record that you will continue to play. A sound that nobody else can hear, for ultimately it can only hurt you.
Once you realize that other people’s actions are not done to you but to themselves and that their actions are simply a reflection of whatever they are experiencing, you stop putting so much weight on how other people talk to you, act towards you, or treat you. One then has the ability to not take everything so personally, to realize that it is your response to a situation that determines the way it effects you. Everything in your life does not happen TO you but FOR your growth.
Many of us have a tendency to project our own issues onto those around us, as it is always easier to take things out on others than to deal with the real roots of your pain. On this note, it is essential to realize that the projection of other people’s issues has nothing to do with you, it simply means that you are mirroring back something which clearly triggers them. If they are not ready to face that part of themselves yet, then they will project it onto you rather than dealing with whatever issue you have highlighted to them. I remember the famous saying; that what annoys you most in others is always something which you have not come to accept within yourself, or it would not bother you so much. Through out my experiences I have come to see how true this is. Instead of automatically assuming that every time someone annoys, angers or upsets me that there is something wrong with them, I try to look within and see why it gets to me so much. Usually it is a part of myself that I have not yet come to love or accept fully, therefore when I see it magnified in them, it illuminates a feeling of detest towards myself.
In conclusion; when others treat you badly they are simply treating themselves in such a way, as sooner or later it will come back round to them. If this treatment continues to affect you, all you have to do is remove yourself from such energies until they have chosen to begin healing themselves.
Furthermore, actions exist objectively. They happen as they are meant to. It is the perception of, and response to, the action that determines whether we decide to internalize it or not. We do not have to allow other people’s behavior or opinions to affect us personally, it is our choice to believe that their actions or words were aimed at us.
You can never blame or hold another to the path they have chosen to take, or the decisions they choose to make. Whether we make choices from a place of conscious awareness or from total obliviousness, it usually comes from what we believe to be best for ourselves. Although not everyone’s path resonates with your truth, you must allow others to make their own decisions and have their own experiences, trusting that they need to in order to grow into who they will become. Since we all see things very differently, we must always respect and honor the journeys of those around us. We are not them, we will never fully understand why they do what they do.
In my mind there there is no such thing as mistake, it is always a choice. Our choices simply determine when and in which area of life we grow. Each decision holds the same potential for further awareness of self, we only need to open our eyes. For it is in fact our greatest “mistakes” that teaches us our biggest lessons.
Through the embodiment of complete responsibility you no longer feel hurt or upset by other people’s behavior. You may still experience these emotions, but you know that what you feel in moments is not what you ultimately believe. Instead, you are now able to hold space for those who are fighting internal battles, as you possess complete compassion for all that their journey is, simultaneously holding within you a deep understanding that they must make their own “mistakes”. As the true embodiment of the incredible master and creator that you are, you will always love unconditionally without expectation of reward or reciprocation.
The laws of the universe are such that the more you come to embody a reckless version of self, the more you pretend not to care about anybody, the more you run from yourself and the responsibility of your own life, the more you will continue to attract to yourself the situations that you believe you are such a victim of. The answer is simple, like everything in life, it is a choice. Wake up one day and stop choosing to repeat the negative cycles, the destructive behaviors, and create change for yourself, for until you yourself decide to end this loop it will not cease to repeat. You and only you have the power to change yourself.
The moment you begin to act differently, the minute you begin to live by who you want to be rather than the victim who continues to attract what they do not want into their life, everything will change. Until you make this choice your are essentially expecting everything around you to change without you having to do anything, does this sound like a realistic expectation?
You are a conscious being with the free will to do as you choose, you exercise this freedom in other areas of your life so why not now? Accept your reality, accept everything that you have done and all that you have been through. The things you are proud of and also those you are not proud of. Recognize that it was ALL part of your journey, they were ALL lessons you needed to learn. Realize that those who love you unconditionally will never hold you to your past actions or behaviors, they will respect and honor the fact that you are owning your journey, for only a coward runs from facing himself. True respect is felt for those who no matter what, always take complete and total responsibility for all that have created for themselves, the “good” and the “bad”.
Although initially the realization that all your issues are self created, that you have been the one making yourself miserable, that it was not what anyone else did to you that made you feel the way you do, comes as a massive blow; a massive blow to the ego mind. The same ego mind, that in attempt to keep itself in control, kept telling you that it wasn’t you, that it was the way people treated you that made you act the way you did. If only your external reality changed then you would too, sound familiar? It always starts from within, your external world is directly created by how you perceive things, a perception that correlates directly with who you are inside and where you are at in your internal world.
Your ego mind is not you, it’s not who you TRULY are, therefore there is no need to allow these thoughts or even beliefs to dictate your life. Through accepting total responsibility for everything in your life, whilst holding a deep sense of compassion and acceptance for ALL that you have chosen to experience and ultimately standing fiercely empowered in the truth of who you are, you will come to liberate yourself from your past, for it does not have to define who you are now.
As the absolute master and creator of your reality, the master who has taken responsibility for every aspect of their life, you will be completely free to start creating and attracting all that you truly desire. With the newfound knowledge that you were the creator of so many of your issues, you are also now aware that you are the solution to them all. You now have the ability to start vibrating higher, and to ultimately start achieving all that you believed you couldn’t before. As soon as you start personifying this truth, with complete totality and honesty, you will see.
For self responsibility is not heavy but weightless, it will uplift you, allowing you to flow through life effortlessly. So own it, own your journey. Be directly responsible for everything in your life. It is up to you to interpret the situations that arise in your life as such. The choice has been and always will be yours, to make, or not to make.