Streams of consciousness

 ༻❁༺ Our thoughts and emotions are by nature impermanent, they arise then they pass. I have always used writing as a way to release these free flowing aspects of myself and to document realizations and lessons that have come to my conscious awareness. I have decided to share some of them with all of you, I hope you enjoy the insights into my inner world ༻❁༺                            

“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions be the awareness behind them”   ~Eckhart Tolle~

Freedom – 12th November 2018

I feel a deep sense of freedom within me, a freedom that makes me feel utterly weightless. It feels different, something I have never experienced before. Its as if every part of me is infused with a contrasting sense of wildness yet blissfulness at the same time. The feeling is not conflicting yet completing. I feel whole, as if my every essence is brimming and teaming with life, everlasting Love and infinite spirit. I am free from the torments of my mind, free from the expectations of myself and others, free from the bottomless pit of longing that resided within, free to travel and experience the universe as I desire. I am a fiercely empowered Goddess with the whole world unfolding before me like the endless waves of a boundless ocean. I feel only a deep sense of gratitude and acceptance towards all that I will come to see and experience, towards all that I will come to learn and share. No one can take this from me for it is who I AM. I am an embodiment of ultimate freedom and Unconditional Love.

Through a deep understanding of acceptance we come to truly free ourselves, free ourselves from the expectation of how we think things “should” turn out or how we believe people “should” act. In freeing ourselves of these expectations, we become love itself. For love is unconditional, love is acceptance and most importantly love is freedom.

Image result for freedom
No one outside ourselves can rule us inwardly. We know this when we become free. 
~Buddha~

I am at one, at one with myself, at one with all that IS. As this never ending sense of freedom fills my body, my mind wanders creatively to all the many possibilities that are presented before me, I feel no desire to choose. I feel no desire to go out of my way to decide, only to respond to what manifests before me. For there is a great wisdom in allowing things to play out, in not feeling the need to make a decision out of a fear of losing out.

Through this wisdom we allow our souls; our intuition, to guide us to where we are supposed to be. Our souls know no limits, our souls are wildly and fiercely free.
Freedom is limitless when it is total. Yet so frequently, it’s true nature, its true potential, is misunderstood.

In the western world that so many of us live in today we are blessed with so much physical freedom, to do as we choose, to go where we please and to say what we want.  A gift for which we must be extremely grateful.

Yet ask yourself, are you truly free? Are you embodying freedom to its totality?
We are told that we are free, free to do as we choose or as we wish, yet are we truly free if we are being controlled by our conditioned minds? Conditioning that influences our thoughts, feelings and desires. Conditioning that we are subjected to by society, by the media and by all of those around us. Ask yourself; how much of what you think, feel or want is truly yours?

We are always going to be influenced to a certain extent by our environments, our cultures, our relationships etc. but we must become aware. Aware of what is the influence of the external world and what is not. In doing so we give ourselves the freedom to choose what we allow to shape us and what we simply experience, observe and then let go. Become the witness, observe what influences you and how it influences you. Ask yourself is it ultimately beneficial to your growth and happiness? Choose the environments and energies you surround yourself with wisely, allow them to become a reflection of your inner journey. Choose to connect with the beings that inspire you, not those who hold expectation over you.

To be truly free we must free ourselves of our conditioning, of our negative thought patterns, of our fear and of our need to be constantly doing and achieving. It is only then, when we are truly enlightened from who we were told to be or think we are, that we taste the indescribably empowering essence of limitless freedom. Find your freedom, filter through the clutter in your mind. Distinguish between what is yours and free yourself from what no longer serves you. Free yourself from all that you have been told to think or feel, empower and ground yourself in the reality of who YOU truly are, away from all of this. You are an eternal being of Love and Light who holds within such immeasurable potential, potential with which you have the complete freedom to do completely as you please. Fight for your freedom, for you are a warrior queen/king and no one can take that from you, not even your own mind.

The movement of my mind

My mind moves, constantly changing its perception in sync with the waves of emotion that course through my body, forever flowing, they never seize, like the cycles of life.  The depth that this emotional wave affects me too is beyond conception of anyone outside my mind. As my mind falls out of alignment with my heart, my emotions un align from my actions, I plateau. I reach a place of stillness where only my mind remains revolving, processing, yet also procrastinating. My true self is ultimately so aware of the mind, yet that does not stop it from taunting constantly with its trivial little games. As the wave lulls my mind jumps at the opportunity to revolve around negative patterns yet my true self is too aware for this to go unnoticed. I feel my mind wander only to be caught by self a few minutes later. This doesn’t make it feel any easier, the chatter becomes predictable almost as if self knows the games the mind is playing, she has heard this tune many a time, yet can only accept and look on amused, allowing the wave to lull, only to then peak again. The reality of this observation is one of true beauty. To truly observe and know one’s mind unlocks limitless potential within you. Living outside of the mind, the world truly becomes magical. I feel the strongest parts of my mind play on the remaining insecurities, hoping to sink the self into the depths of the wave, yet self prevails. My mind’s eye becomes tinted in correlation to where I am in my wave, at its depths a dark tint shrouds my world consuming every part and thought within it. Yet even within the depths of my mind the true self exists; The warrior queen of Unconditional Love and Light that is always observing.. a gentle reminder from reality. Reality always surpasses the mind, true alignment is impossible to compete with.

As my wave continues its dance I  come to accept and allow the natural cycle of my universe, I appreciate my journey as it is when it is, for it is all that exists. Each moment brings clarity as it occurs just as it was meant to occur. I feel complete compassion for my journey, acting in each moment with alignment to my emotions, allowing them to dictate my path as the mind strays from its true purpose. Time is my ally, only time will bring true clarity. I accept that there is no absolute clarity for the only clarity that truly exists is that which you know in the NOW, yet does there need to be any other?
Would it even be real if there was?
I know the answers,
I embody the answers, 
I am the answers.

Travel thoughts-July 2018

Traveling broadens your perspective, opens your mind and allows you to travel the depths of your own mind, heart and soul away from all that you knew to be true of yourself or the world. 

A waterfall expedition ~ Klang, Chom Thong, Thailand ~ June 20th 2018

“Finding yourself” 

In my mind the misunderstanding of what the reality of traveling brings to you lies in the common misconception that by traveling for a year or so you will some how discover and know completely who you are and what you ultimately want from your life. This is where the manifestation of clichés such as going traveling to“find yourself” come from. My truth behind this common cliché is that the idea of finding yourself or knowing yourself completely is a myth or an illusion, as we as beings are forever changing and growing and can only know ourselves truthfully in the NOW. Any other idea of who we are simply exists as a concept or a possibility. The past is dead and the future is yet to come, therefore the only thing that is truly real is the version of yourself that you are in this present moment. There will always be more to you, more hidden aspects and parts of yourself that will be revealed to you throughout your life, for self discovery, like everything, is a process. Life is forever flowing and evolving and so are you, therefore your priorities wants and desires will change with you. However, although the idea of “finding yourself” may be a myth, traveling brings you so much more than this. One of the most exciting things for me was how surprising it is to see how adaptable we as beings are and how easily we can become different versions of ourselves in accordance with the different situations we find ourselves in. In order to see these parts of yourself you have to be in having new experiences, for if your mind believes it knows how you should act you are never given the chance to do otherwise. With the rising of new experiences many parts of yourself that you never knew to exist before, come out to shine. This allows you to ultimately understand and know yourself better, away from other people’s and your own, expectations of who you are or should be. By traveling you give yourself the opportunity to be seen in a different light. You can now be seen for who you are now, most likely someone who has grown far beyond the image that has been held over you. Through seeing these many versions of yourself you not only come to know and see your natural strengths and weaknesses but also to know what version of yourself truly aligns with your full potential and the person that you want to be. For example after seeing myself in many different states, places and situations I have come to appreciate and prefer the version of self that I am when I am fully sober, for I have realized that it is in this state that I am the most authentic version of myself. Whereas before I left my world back home I viewed my drunk or intoxicated self as a “better” version of myself, however as I have learnt to fully love and treasure every little part of myself I no longer feel the need to drink to hide or enhance parts of myself.

I believe that the illusion of traveling to “find yourself” also lies in the fact that in reality it does not matter where you are or who your with, you always have the power to delve within, to discover, to heal yourself and to begin to learn to embody your full potential, at any moment. It’s all a choice, the true self you seek is within in you right NOW at the very moment that you read this. While this is the truth, I also fully acknowledge that it can be very hard to heal yourself in the place you got sick, especially if you have lost sight of being or feeling any other way than you do now. Free from these fears, doubts and expectations that once weighed you down, in a place where no one knows you, you may finally feel as though you can change and embody the incredible being that you always have and always will be. As you begin to travel and experience new aspects of life your perspective widens and your mind begins to expand. As you exchange ideas and beliefs with different people from all walks of life you begin to view yourself and the universe in a very different way. By exchanging our individual truths and experiences with the people we meet we create connections, which in turn bring us closer to a world of complete acceptance, understanding and Unconditional Love for ALL, where everybody’s truth and well-being holds as much significance as the next person.With this widened perspective and understanding on humanity we allows ourselves to become less effected by the  little things in our lives that once bothered us so much and seemed so all consuming. This in turn opens our minds to the truth that everything is only really as significant as you allow or choose it to be. You are now empirically aware of so many different aspects of this world; how beautiful, fragile, essential and precious our environment is and how much destruction horror and tragedy has occurred and is still occurring every single day. Suddenly the problems that you deemed so great back home dissipate before your eyes as you realize that they were all self-inflicted mind created sufferings that held only as much power over you as you had given them. We as human beings have become so destructive and negative towards the planet, each other and ourselves, we really have strayed further and further away from all the simple truths that are essential to the survival and progression of the human race and this beautiful universe that we all share. Before traveling or venturing out of our comfort zones the only reality that we knew empirically was our little bubble of reality where we were so “content”. A bubble in which you may have been aware of these truths, yet you had never experienced them, you had never felt the deep pain or inexplicable beauty of this world. Such things never truly impact the way you feel, think or act until you experience them for yourself.

Trusting fully in yourself and your journey 

A magical day of kayaking, swimming and kicking ~ Ha Long Bay, Vietnam ~ July 3rd 2018

Another truth springs to mind. I have come to discover whilst traveling that in order to fully make the most of every inch of your travels, you truly  have to trust in the universe. The only universe that we experience is through the filter of our own perception, therefore in order to trust in the universe you must trust fully in yourself.

Being a small young female it was paramount to have complete trust in myself, my intuition, my judgement and ultimately my journey. It was important that I trusted that I was always being guided and protected at all times, not as form of nativity but rather as a way of acknowledging that all that I was experiencing was exactly what was meant to be. The situations that I attracted into my life were necessary for my growth, a direct reflection of my inner world. One of my biggest challenges, was the fact that for the way I look, I am already naturally put at a “disadvantage” for essentially just being me! In the world we live in today you are considerably more vulnerable to the horrors of the word as a small female, subject to not only the same dangers as everybody else but also those posed by ignorant or undereducated men. Although we are collectively working to change this, it is what it is for now, and will probably continue to be so for a long time. While we as young women must do everything in our power to not allow it to limit us, we must also be aware of how we are perceived. Being very aware that I cannot ignore my vulnerability or change it as it’s due to my physical appearance frustrated me so much, for a long time. Although I have never been one to let the way I appear limit me, the very knowledge that it changed the way people treated me made me very angry. After being my feelings on the matter have changed. My anger at the world faded as I came to realize that feeling this way, would not change anything, rather I focussed on not allowing it to limit me. I realized it was in fact empowering. It was empowering to experience life, without letting your physical appearance limit or define you. And while it still meant that there were certain situations that were more dangerous because of how I looked, there were others that were made better for the same reason. By overcoming what seemed to be such a limitation at the time I realized I was doing my part in the progression towards equality and awareness. The way to best address this situation in my eyes is to always be completely aware of how you are coming across to someone who doesn’t know you at all. It is very important to be aware of cultural differences and language barriers as due to this so much unnecessary conflict occurs. An item of clothing or a gesture completely harmless to you, could be completely offensive in another culture, despite the purity of your intentions. Communicating properly and not assuming that people will understand or get you could’ve been the solution to many conflicts that arose through miscommunication.
By being aware of my presence and the impact that I have on people I have learnt to create energetic boundaries. Boundaries which allow me to be me whilst at the same time emanating an air of confidence, which in turn helps to protect me from any negative situations or energies who would wish to take advantage of my physical vessel. Since creating these boundaries I have found myself in situations in which I could’ve easily been in danger had it not been for this forcefield. Recently we have been hitch hiking a lot and therefore putting ourselves in potential danger as our lives have been completely in the hands of those giving us a ride. On two occasions we have been approached by men asking if they could receive some kind of sexual favor in return for the lift. However what was interesting about the situations was how these men even bothered to ask, they had no reason to since we were completely within their power, in their car, in the middle of the outback, miles from anywhere. It was a truly empowering experience to feel this protected by both myself and the universe when the situation could’ve taken a very different turn. It allowed me to free myself of any remaining fears or doubts that I had due to my size and sex, and to embody the fearless warrior who will never allow any part of myself to limit me.
I personally believe that when it is my time to go it won’t matter where I am. Once you have taken all the physical precautions that you can to make a situation as safe as possible for yourself, without allowing it stop you achieving anything, you must simply trust that you will only ever attract what you need. Its important that you when in potentially endangering situations that you don’t hold doubt within, as this could easily manifest as a negative situation in the outer world, if you feel uneasy or uncertain listen to your intuition. I found that it was also helpful to be aware of the messages that present themselves to you. By observing the synchronicities, you know when things are right, as they seem to flow with so much ease it almost seems magical. You come to see how your mindset and attitude toward life do directly influences the situations you attract to yourself and the way in which you perceive those experiences. There is no point worrying once you have done everything you can to make a situation as safe as possible, as this worry achieves nothing and only means that you begin to live through your mind created fear, therefore attracting “negative” or dangerous situations into your life. Our minds are a lot more powerful than many of  us realize. By all this I do not mean blindly walk into dangerous situations simply because you trust in yourself and the universe, it is not a cop out for being aware of your surroundings. All I am to illustrate is that once you have done everything you can, the rest is out of your control, therefore do not let your fear or worry limit you, don’t forget, you are the master and creator of your reality. Through your experiences you will learn to let your intuition guide you, you will simply know when things are right or wrong. Allow yourself to trust in your judgement. Like everything in life it’s all about the balance. Balance trust with precaution and you will never be limited.

Your home is within you 

The thoughts continue to flow, my mind wanders to the concept of a home; a physical place that makes you feel truly comfortable, content and safe.
I begin to realize that I have learnt through experience that home is really a feeling rather than a material place. Maybe this is shaped by the fact that I have never really found myself missing certain locations as I have moved around a fair bit throughout my life. I have always adapted and found myself a new family and home where ever I have been. I believe that no matter where you are in the world or who you are with you are fully capable of creating the inner feeling of safety, peace, comfort and happiness. Feelings that although commonly associated with a home, differ as we all have very different associations and understandings of words. The ability to realize that while it may appear that we are defined by our race, religion, sex, beliefs, society or culture, we are in fact not. We created these constructs, we can dissolve them. It is the limiting belief that we are trapped within the boxes and borders that we have created for ourselves that stops us from seeing that we are part of the same whole, that we cannot create change if we continue to live through the illusion of separateness. Regardless of the words you use or how you choose to perceive it, deep down we are all the same. We are all beings of Love and Light, simply expressing ourselves in many different ways. If we can see past all differences that we have allowed to define us, we can open our eyes to the interconnected oneness of all that IS. All beings should be treated with the same respect, love, care and appreciation that we would have for our family’s. For we are all one family, one tribe. Although emotionally it may feel as though a stranger and your family deserve different kinds of treatment, morally the two are equal.
Its natural that we develop attachments to certain people, we feel as though we owe some more than others, as those who have treated us “better” or helped us “more” deserve the same back. To these people we tend to feel a stronger inclination to uphold our principals.
In an ideal world morality lies hand in hand with Unconditional Love, it is not based on reward or reciprocation, it does not change based on others behavior it simple IS.

With the view that all beings are ONE tribe, I find myself feeling at home most places I go. It takes time to adapt to new environments, to slot into other people’s realities and lives, some you will resonate more with than others, but once you trust that you have lessons to learn and wisdom to teach everywhere you have been guided to, you soon feel at home with your new family. There have been times at which I miss the people I love and care about dearly but when living fully in my present moment my mind rarely has time to wander to another reality unless I am directly connecting with them. I feel at home not because of the material comforts or the physical location of where I am but because I hold within me a feeling that is not subject to change, that does not depends on external factors, that is a part of me. This inner feeling of safety, comfort and bliss comes not only from my beliefs but also from the part of me that has become fully acceptant of myself and my journey, it is a feeling which is vital in order to fully enjoy all your experiences without feeling homesick or wishing for another reality.

NOW is all that is real 

On top of the world ~ Monkey Island, Ha Long Bay ~ July 3rd 2018 

As I begin to reflect deeper on what wisdom my travels have bought me so far, I think of how one of the biggest lessons has been remaining true to who I am right NOW, always prioritizing my NOW experience over anything else, this has led me to realize that making plans is ultimately not a good idea for me. It is commonly thought of as a good idea to make lots of plans when first going traveling as a way of making sure that you get to see everything you want to see, don’t end up not knowing where to turn or simply out of fear of not wanting to not have plans. What I have to realize is all of these reasons seem to only limit you in some way, it is all well and good to travel to see everything that you wish to see yet by planning it all out, booking in advance etc you end up cutting yourself off to other possibilities which only would’ve presented themselves to you if you were not so fixated on sticking to your plan and therefore unaware of what was right in front of you or even end up finding yourself having to cancel your plans as you have decided otherwise.  You can never truly know what the present version of self will desire most therefore do not limit yourself, live for the NOW you. If you are traveling for the first time by yourself it is natural that you will feel a little nervous at the prospect of not knowing where you will end up or what you will be doing especially coming from home where everything is so panned and comfortable, the reality change is big and like everything takes time to adjust to. However there is no need to worry or be afraid, it is wise to make some plans for the days of your arrival as you will be in a new country and need somewhere to settle and get your bearings, anything more is unnecessary and possibly limiting. It is only your mind that is fearing what it thinks it knows about what the unknown will be bring, it has no idea, how could it ? its going based off past situations! I have never been one for making plans much in advance as I have always thought myself to be quite indecisive and would not want to let others down. In reality I now see that all I was doing was prioritizing what the version of myself right NOW needed or wanted, therefore it would be unfair and essentially dishonest to promise or say that I would want to do something in the future as how could I know how I would fee then, and if I carried out the promise I would only be compromising myself and my own truth, something which I have done many times in my life in attempt to keep everyone happy or not let anyone down. While traveling I have barely made any plans at all and it has been the most rewarding experience I could’ve ever dreamed of, it has allowed to simply follow the flow of life, always going where I feel called to go in that moment and always acting from a place of what serves me best right NOW. When embodying this perspective I feel truly alive and if i’m acting always as the most authentic version of myself. There have certainly been ups and downs to this lifestyle I have chosen to embody as it can sometimes cost more to do things last minute or you can find yourself in situations where you have no clue where you are going to end up or sleep that night, yet I do not see these aspects as downs but parts of the experience, there is something exhilarating and freeing about living in the unknown, where you have absolutely no idea what is going to happen, it allows you to fully test yourself, to push your limits and see how much you really trust, for me this is what traveling and ultimately life is all about.

I hope you enjoyed the insights into my thoughts on travel, I will be updating this piece as I continue my journey ♡



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